Emptiness

Everyday I read your horoscope since I have no contact whatsoever with you. Just to make it seem like I know exactly what is actually going on in your life -even though I really don't. I just miss you so much and it's like insane that I have to go over this lack of having your love in my life. I miss going out there to visit you in the city, because you are the real and only reason for my driving out 40 mins at speeds of 80 miles an hour to see you. You are the only reason I had bought an I-pass for, you are the only reason I was willing to drive right after work and go to school near you, which is 8 mins driving distance away from your place. Here I am, awake once again and I still can't break you away from my mind. I've tried to have some fun and steer clear of any thoughts of you, but it doesn't work. If only I didn't love you as much as the way I do, I would be able to get over you. But I have a one track mind. It’s like the card that I gave you: There are many fishes in the sea, but you are the only fish that I want. I miss you so much, where are you? Are you thinking of me? Or have you found someone else. Is she taking up your time? Do you wish I was there right next to you and in your arms? Cuz I wish I had your love. I wish I knew it all. All I am aware of is that I'm an outsider in your world.

Fuck.

I woke up at 3 am this morning and I couldn't sleep well once again. I can't get over you. I really try to be strong. You just haunt my mind nonstop. Why can't you get out of my head? Why am I so deadly in love with you? The memory of how I saw you last that keeps replaying over and over in my mind was when you just walked away from me leaving me helpless. Then all that fades away when I reminisce about the passionate love and fun we had just being with each other. It saddens me that all of that now is just a memory. I wish I could relive it, feel it, smell it, hold it and keep it locked away forever. Where are you? Will you come back? Or should I let my guard down and let someone else new in my life? I could and hopefully get over you. But, I'd rather be with you.

Miss You Like Crazy

I used to call you my boy

I used to call you my friend

I used to call you the love

The love that I never had

When I think of you

I don't know what to do

When will I see you again

I miss you like crazy

Even more than words can say

I miss you like crazy

Every minute of every day

Boy I'm so down

When your love's not around

I miss you, miss you, miss you

I miss you like crazy

You are all that I want

You're all that I need

Can't you see how I feel

Can't you see that my pain's so real

When I think of you

I don't know what to do

When will I see you again

I miss you like crazy

Even more than words can say

I miss you like crazy

Every minute of every day

Boy I'm so down

When your love's not around

I miss you, miss you, miss you

I miss you like crazy

Incoherent

I try to find reasons to hate you so that I can get over you. Except that I'm so in love with you - in order to let you have your happiness, I need to let you go...even though it destroys my gratification. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless mind had a great device to help people who where crazy in love to stop thinking about them. I would want to do that and release this torture of not having you in my life at this moment. But at the same time I don't regret having had your love. For once in my life you brought sweet bliss into existence. That's why it's so hard for me to let you go. No one will compare to you - like you said, "No one will ever love you like I do." In my eyes, you are prince charming and you sure did treat me like your princess. I really adore what a genuine guy you have been to me. Something I recalled from our last conversation was, “I will bounce back, but it will take time." Do you think I could do the same? You also told me to take this time to find out what's out there and you corrected yourself, "Not who's out there, just what's out there - find myself." So you gave me the impression that maybe right now it's not the time for us but later down the road when we both grow up, perhaps we will return back into one another’s arms. I heard clearly from you that there are possibilities. For us? I guess I can't rule you and me out, but I also have to get high - on life.

Love 'em & Leave 'em

June 17, 2005. You asked if I had any last words for you and I was frozen. I was in shock. I couldn't believe that you where not going to work on our relationship with me. I was left speechless and you blurted out..."I love you too." I grabbed your hand not wanting to let you go. You knew that I didn't want you to leave me behind, but you made up your mind. You unhooked my hand from yours and you walked away. I wanted to die because I felt like I was run over by a car 2o million times. It was a nightmare and I wanted to wake up. But no, it was real and I couldn't believe that you had walked away. I kneeled down by the door to watch you drive off. I couldn't move and I didn't want to leave from my spot, thinking that any moment you'd drive back around and tell me it was such a mistake. That you didn't want to fail me and that you wanted to take me into your world ever after.

Anxious

Midnight - I will be seeing you for the first time, since I had saw you last. It seems like it's been so long since I've seen your face. I'm trembeling right now wondering what is going on in your head of yours. I want to think good things are heading my way, but my gut feeling is that this will be the last chapter of our book. I don't want it to be the end for us. I really really hope it's the answer that I have been waiting for. I need you in my life. Cross my fingers.

Love of My Life

Love of my life - you've hurt me

You've broken my heart and now you leave me

Love of my life can't you see

Bring it back, bring it back

Don't take it away from me, because you don't know

What it means to me

Love of my life don't leave me

You've taken my love, (all of my love) and now desert me

Love of my life can't you see(Please bring it back) bring it back, bring it back (back)

Don't take it away from me (take it away from me)

Because you don't know (ooh ooh ooh know means to me)

What it means to me

Who will remember

When this is blown over

And everything's all by the way - (ooh yeah)

When I grow older

I will be there at your side to remind you

How I still love you - (i still love you)

Ooh, back - hurry back

Please bring it back home to me

Because you don't know what it means to me

Love of my lifeLove of my life

Ooh, ooh

Homesick.

I can't grasp the fact that we are apart. I'm here; you are there...no fair. I want to be with you and right now, I feel so homesick that I don't see you. I can't feel the warmth of your paralyzing kisses that leave me wanting more and more. It hurts that you have to leave me again and again - when all I want is to be with you for eternity. Isn't it that what you wanted? You told me that in the beginning that I was your dream. Even though I kept my thoughts and feelings inside, I wanted to burst out and tell you..."Yes, I wanted everything that you desired too!" I know that was all you asked for from me from the start, to let you know everything and anything about me. I was a mystery to you, a mystery that you had to break. And when you couldn't become familiar with the unknown, it was crushing your heart. After time, I let you in slowly about who I was and what was essential to me, but to you it seemed as if it was just forced out of me. It was unnatural, it wasn't by my effort. You told me that it was too late. Even though it was overdue, no matter what doesn't love persevere? My love for you still exists and will never end.

Waiting For Your Love

How can I explain the sorrow and my pain
I believe that you and I should be together once again
Every night I pray, that you'll come back to me
But the tears keep falling down my face, when you're not around
and I know you're gone..gone away
All I do is wait for you each and every day
and I know your gone, gone away
All I do is wait for you each and every day
Ooh I'm waiting for your love
Im Wondering where you are, are you with another girl
Are you showing her your world
Im waiting for your love, I wanna see your smile,
brighten up my day
Yes I'm waiting for your love
Yes I'm waiting for your love
Many sleepless night
I waited by the phone, wondering where you are tonight
If you are alone, if I had another chance(another chance)
I'd never let you go
My heart's been broken in two..and its all because of you
And I know you're gone..gone away
All I do is wait for you, each and every day
And I know you're gone, gone away
All I do is wait for you, each and everyday
Oh Im waiting for your love
I'm wondering where you are, are you with another girl
Are you showing her your world
I've been waiting for your love
I wanna see your smile, brighten up my day
Yes, I'm waiting for your love
Yes, I'm waiting for you love
Oh Im waiting for your love
I'm wondering where you are, are you with another girl
Are you showing her the world
Im waiting for your love
I wanna see your smile, brighten up my day
Yes, I'm waiting for your love
Yes, I'm waiting for you love