Jealousy is a part of me.

yesterday I went over to My so-called Mr. Right once upon a time. The last time we met was not so long ago, which was last week. He asked me to kiss him and I was strong enough to say "NO." I had no desire to get back with him. Until yesterday, when he fixed my computer and this pretty blonde chic comes and he's making plans with her in front of me. In front of me! First of all, why am I feeling so jealous? I'm not supposed to have feelings like this. It's been awhile since we have been together and I thought I was over him. He even asked me if I thought of the proposal from last time, the kiss. I changed the subject. He asked me if I was looking for a relationship, I said firmly again - "NO." I'm not going to try to look into it. I have someone else.

It just seems as if I'm never satisfied. At one point, I thought I had it all figured out. I did a complete 360• I have no desire for men. Well they are pleasing to look at, particularly this one guy I work with whom I've had a crush forever with from when I first started, but that's all. The attraction stops there. With woman, I feel so different. I'm attracted to "L" and I want to be with her mind, body and soul. That's when it comes to My so-called Mr. Right, when a kiss is not actually necessary. I can pass. With "L", I want her so badly that I can't pass up a kiss at all.

I Kissed A Girl

Jenny came over and told me about Brad
He's such a hairy behemoth she said
And dumb as a box of hammers
But he's such a handsome guy
And I opened up and I told her about Larry
And yesterday how he asked me to marry
I'm not giving him an answer yet
I think I can do better
CHORUS:
So we laughed, compared notes
We had a drink, we had a smoke
She took off her overcoat
I kissed a girl
I kissed a girl
So she called home to say she'd be late
He said, he worried but now he'd feel safe
I'm glad you're with your girlfriend,
Tell her "Hi" for me
then I looked at you, you had guilt in your eyes
But it only lasted a little while
And then I felt your hand above my knee
CHORUS:
And we laughed at the world
They can have their diamonds
And we'll have our pearls
I kissed a girl
I kissed a girl
I kissed a girl, her lips were sweet
She was just like kissing me
I kissed a girl, won't change the world
But I'm so glad
I kissed a girl
And we laughed at the world
They can have their diamonds
And we'll have our pearls
I kissed a girl (for the first time)
I kissed a girl (and I may do it again)
I kissed a girl
I kissed a girl
I kissed a girl, her lips were sweet
She was just like kissing me (but better)
I kissed a girl
I kissed a girl, won't change the world
But I'm so glad
I kissed a girl (for the first time)
I kissed a girl (won't be the last time)
I kissed a girl
I kissed a girl

Once upon on time...

7 months ago, I was in love and heartbroken. In my mind, he was the one that was going to be my "one and only". He was the one that would bear my children and I would take his last name. It was one of the hardest times that I had to go through again. Him saying goodbye, which killed me. Yes, I fell in love before and yes it hurt. It doesn't seem to get any better the second time around. You just want to curl up and dissolve away, never to appear on this earth again. As time passes, we learn that the pain is only temporary and that we do actually get over heartbreak, eventually. That's life and well, it isn't simple. Somehow life seems to find its way of complicating itself and I get tangled in the mess of it.

What got me through the heartbreaking pain was meeting her, my beautiful Turkish girl. She came into my world and changed me in every possible way. Once again, being the libra that I am, I fell madly, deeply in love with her. She promised me all of her and that there was no other in her life except for me. Trusting as I am, I gave in. We spent every moment we could. We spoke online and wrote many emails back and forth. She made sure that I was only for her, by deleting all my friends that I had on my myspace and prohibiting me to ever go on there again. I had no problems with that at all, because I cared for no one else but her. She was my everything and all my time and energy was for my love.

Then I lost contact with her, but still kept in touch with her brother. He knew how crazy I was about her and how crazy she was about me. He told me not to worry and that she had to go to Germany to move in with her aunt. She had no access to the internet. I became sad and missed her so much. I became worried, her parents had no idea at all that she was a lesbian. And her being muslim and lesbian did not mix together well. If ever her parents were to find out, she'd be dead meat. So when our communication stopped, I had so many questions that was going through my mind. Was this the end for us? Did her parents find out and send her far far off to Germany to take her away from being with me? It hurt me so much. I put everything out on the line for love, for her. Thinking it was my fate and all that had disappeared once again, in a instant. I could wait forever for her, but would I be waiting for nothing? Her brother kept reassuring me that we will be together, but it's been awhile and I just don't know what to do. I love her, but if we were meant to be, I guess she'd come back into my life. Right?

Between the time that her and I did not talk, I did meet someone else. She is everything like my love, except we are here for each other and we actually keep in touch every single day. I told her about my love because I wanted to be honest with her and I have developed feelings for L. My love said that when she's not around, that I shouldn't forget that she loves me, she's thinking of me and she will soon be with me...do I wait? Is it wrong for me to find another who does give me her attention and time? Because right now, my love, isn't here for me. It's a bit confusing. And to add to the story, well lets say that guy who I thought was the 'one', he came back into my life. I knew he wanted to get back with me and well, this time around I don't feel the same. It felt great I got to turn him down. Although, with these two woman in my life, I want something to work out between my love or my new babe. But with my luck....

Where'd You Go by Fort Minor

(Chorus:) Where'd you go? I miss you so Seems like it's been forever that you've been gone Where'd you go? I miss you so Seems like it's been forever that you've been gone

Please

Come back home

(Intro:) Where'd you go?

I miss you so

Seems like its been forever that you've been gone

(Verse 1:) She said somedays I feel like shit

Somedays I wanna quit and just be normal for a bit

I don't understand why you have to always be gone

I get along but your trips always feel so long

And I find myself trying to stay by the phone

Because your voice always helps to not feel so alone

But I feel like an idiot, working my day around a call

And when I pick up I don't have much to say, so I want you to know it's a little fucked up that I'm stuck here waiting, at times debating

Telling you that I've had it with you and your career

Me and the rest of the family here singing

(Chorus)

(Verse 1:) You know, the place where you used to live

Used to barbeque up burgers and ribs

Used to have a little party every halloween with candy by the pile but now you only stop by every once in a while

Shit

I find myself just filling my time

With anything to keep the thought of you from my mind

I'm doing fine I plan to keep it that way

You can call me if you find that you have something to say

And I'll tell you

I want you to know it's a little fucked up that I'm stuck here waiting, at times debating

Telling you that I've had it with you and your career

Me and the rest of the family here singing

(Chorus)

(Verse 3:) I want you to know it's a little fucked up that I'm stuck here waiting, no longer debating

Tired of sitting and hating and making these excuses

For why you're not around, and feeling so useless

It seems one thing has been true all along

You don't really know what you've got till its gone

I guess I've had it with you and your career

When you come back

I won't be here and you can sing it

Where'd you go?

I miss you so

Seems like it's been forever that you've been gone

Where'd you go?

I miss you so

Seems like its been forever that you've been gone

Please come back home[x5]