Tears and Rain.

4am in the morning I fell asleep by my laptop. I hear a little alert sound and there is Evren, my beautiful Turkish girl's brother IMing me on msn messenger. I left him a comment on his myspace the day before asking how is he doing and also how my love is doing. He breaks the news to me, C___..C___. Laila is no more, she is in Germany and she got married. Uncontrollable tears fall down my face and I sit there still. Paralyzed and shocked, I wanted to go punch someone. I wanted to scream her name to come to me. He tells me it's been 4 months and the family forced her to get married. He was telling me how their society is not like America. Of course, Turkey..muslim country. He's like let it out, don't worry. I'm here for you.

She had always been in the back of my mind and I had waited for her. Unanswered questions that I had that she wouldn't fill, the reason why she wanted to run away from her parents. She told me when she sent a package for me that she wanted to come herself to be with me in U.S. before the package had arrived. I'm sitting here at work and I can't concentrate. I feel numb and I can't comprehend exactly the circumstances. The love of my life had slipped away from me again at an instant. I'm trying to work, but at the same time I'm trying to hide the pain inside. Evren telling me that she's married, just felt like I was punched in the stomach and knocked out. I feel like I have no where to go or anyone to talk to about this. The world stood still, when I met her. And now that we no longer belong to each other it is very hard to breath. Ever since she has disappeared out of my life I feel a bit empty. I will never forget her, I will always..always love her. She came into my life during a time I was down. She changed my thoughts and feelings about many things. The time that I have known her she made me so happy. That is all gone. It's so hard for me to picture her with a man. I don't believe she's happy, she has to live a lie and it kills me that I can't be there for her and rescue my askim benim (my love). It's so hard. I miss you..Laila I will always love you, deep inside this heart of mine. I'll always need you. If you ever change your mind, I still..I will love you. Wish you never left me. Love is a mystery and you can break a heart so easily.

Here Without You

A hundred days have made me older

Since the last time that i saw your pretty face

A thousand lies have made me colder

And i don't think i can look at this the same

But all these miles that seperate

Disappear now when i'm dreaming of your face

I'm here without you baby

But you're still on my lonely mind

I think about you baby

And i dream about you all the time

I'm here without you baby

But you're still with me in my dreams

And tonight it's only you and me

The miles just keep rollin'

As the people leave their way to say hello

I've heard this life was overrated

But i hope that it gets better as we go

I'm here without you baby

But you're still on my lonely mind

I think about you baby

And i dream about you all the time

I'm here without you baby

But you're still with me in my dreams

And tonight girl its only you and me

Everything i know,and anywhere i go

It gets hard but it wont take away my love

And when the last one falls

When it's all said and done

It gets hard but it wont take away my love

I'm here without you baby

But you're still on my lonely mind

I think about you baby

And i dream about you all the time

I'm here without you baby

But you're still with me in my dreams

And tonight girl its only you and me

It's a secret

So today I'm so excited, i'm going to go buy my honey some sexy lingerie at Victoria Secret's. I'll be sending it out to Lithuania coming this Thursday!